“Sorry, I didn’t hear a word you said” - Overcoming Listening Blocks in Therapy
As psychologists, we understand that effective therapy hinges on present and attuned listening. However, even the most experienced clinicians can encounter listening blocks—internal and external barriers that interfere with fully engaging with clients. Recognising and addressing these blocks is essential to maintaining therapeutic presence and fostering a strong therapeutic alliance.
Common Listening Blocks and How to Overcome Them
The Fix-It Mentality & Advising
Ever jumped into problem-solving mode too quickly? Often we do this when we struggle to sit with the other person’s emotional experience, want to save them from their feelings, or we may just simply misread the client’s needs. While offering solutions can be beneficial, it can also prevent deep listening and attunement to the client's experience. Similarly, providing advice before fully understanding the issue can lead to premature solutions and invalidation of emotion.
Tip: Remind yourself that listening is an intervention in itself. Practice mindful presence and resist the urge to provide immediate solutions. Prioritise active listening before giving guidance, and if in doubt, ask the client what they think they might need in those moments.
Judging & Being Right
Our own experiences, beliefs, and emotions can sometimes shape how we listen and respond. If a client’s story resonates too closely with our own unresolved issues, we may unconsciously filter their words through our personal lens or react emotionally. Making premature judgements or feeling the need to be right can also hinder objectivity and takes the focus of therapy away from the client.
Tip: Engage in regular self-reflection and self-monitoring, supervision, or personal therapy. Suspend judgement, figure out where it comes from, cultivate empathy, and embrace humility to remain open to alternative viewpoints.
Preoccupation With Next Steps, Rehearsing & Mind Reading
We are often having to think several steps ahead—planning interventions, formulating hypotheses, or considering how to guide the session, monitor transference, be present, validate, empathise, challenge. This mental multitasking can create a disconnect, especially during the early career years. Assuming you know what the client means without clarifying can lead to awkward miscommunications and further invalidation of their experience, which ultimately prevents true understanding and therapeutic alignment.
Tip: Use grounding techniques to stay in the moment. Ask open-ended questions and summarise to confirm understanding rather than assuming. Don’t be afraid to say you don’t understand, or that you might be confused.
Emotional Fatigue, Burnout & Dreaming
Listening to clients’ distressing experiences daily can take a toll, leading to compassion fatigue. Burnout can cause therapists to unintentionally tune out. Similarly, letting your mind wander during a session reduces engagement and demonstrates disinterest.
Tip: Prioritise self-care, establish boundaries, and seek peer consultation. Use mindfulness techniques to stay focused and present.
Distraction, Filtering & Digital Interruptions
In today’s fast-paced world, therapists may struggle with distractions such as notifications or personal thoughts. We tend to filter when we subconsciously feel threatened, emotionally activated, or when we are looking to hear specifics in what the other person is saying. You may notice your attention is more focused on someone who has become distressed, which may cause you to filter out other aspects of their dialogue. However, if there is no threat, you may become distract by your own triggers, thoughts, and preoccupations that prevent us from tuning in properly to the other person. Regardless, you are not receiving the whole message, and filter based upon your internal experience.
Tip: Create a distraction-free therapy environment. Stay aware of personal biases when they arise, notice them, and re-calibrate to engage with all parts of the conversation.
Counter Transference, Comparing, Identifying & Sparring
Relating too much to a client’s experiences or engaging in subtle arguments can shift the focus away from them. Making everything about your own experiences can make clients feel unheard. A client shares a difficult experience, and the therapist responds with, "That happened to me too! Here’s what I did." While relatable, this response centres the therapist’s experience rather than the client’s, which can make them feel dismissed.
Tip: Maintain curiosity about the client’s unique experience without imposing your perspective. Recognise defensiveness and shift back to a collaborative stance. Instead of sharing personal experiences, ask reflective questions to deepen the client’s exploration of their own story.
Derailing & Placating
Changing the subject when it feels uncomfortable or offering automatic affirmations can hinder deep engagement and trust-building. A client expresses anger toward a family member, and the therapist quickly says, "But I’m sure they meant well," instead of allowing the client to process their emotions. This placating response can make clients feel their experience is invalid and tends to shift focus away from the client.
Tip: Acknowledge discomfort but stay engaged with the client’s topic. Offer genuine, thoughtful responses that validate their experience. Instead of reassuring too quickly, try reflecting their emotions: "It sounds like that situation made you feel really unheard and frustrated. Tell me more about that."
Strengthening Active Listening in Therapy
Addressing listening blocks is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness and intentional practice. By identifying and addressing our tendency to engage in these, psychologists can enhance the therapeutic relationship, improve client outcomes, and foster a deeper sense of trust and connection in therapy sessions. The power of therapy often lies not in what we say, but in how well we listen.
Are you a psychologist looking to refine your therapeutic skills? Explore our resources at www.privatepsychservices.com for more insights, tools, and professional supervision opportunities.